I received an overseas call from my friend Claire in Manila. Upset and almost crying, she asked me if I know how she could reach her husband who’s working in the same company with my brother here in Riyadh. I told her that I will send her a message later with her husband’s company contact number.
That was yesterday. Until this time, I still don’t know if I should give his number or not.
Mike and Claire have been married for 8 years with 2 kids. When Mike left to work here in Riyadh almost a year ago, Claire stopped working to personally take care of their kids. With Mike’s promise of a bulky monthly remittance from this oil- rich country as a Civil Engineer, Claire didn’t hesitate to leave her job to become a full time mom.
But two ago months, I was shocked to hear that Mike wanted to marry another girl. Later on, he invited me, my husband and my brother to attend their wedding reception in a restaurant near the Phil. Embassy where their wedding took place. I was not sure how they managed to get “married”. I heard that the “bride” also has a family in Cebu with 4 kids but she’s still proud to “marry” Mike who’s a well known family man too.
Sadly, the Philippine government has been focusing on a massive labor deployment abroad as a major economic strategy of the Philippines, despite the negative social impact to Filipino families.
Several support groups who are helping families of OFW’s have noted an increasing number of complaints against immigrants abandoning their brood- mostly because several OFW’s have gotten involved in illicit affairs with other OFW’s and already have formed new families in their host countries.
Meanwhile, what happens when the OFW family back home stops receiving support from their overseas-based breadwinners for a reason that their parent has engaged with another affair abroad? How many Claire’s, who dream of a better life for her kids, wake up from a nightmare when the man he loves who promised good life for their family abandon them for another woman?
Here in Saudi Arabia, adultery is punishable by death. Still, countless Filipinos involve themselves with the obscenity. I hear stories of “couples” who use fake marriage licenses- most of them have their own families in the Philippines. Some of them admit connivance from some crook Embassy staff forging marriage documents for money. Other Filipino men convert to Islam to “legalize” their desire to marry other women. Many of these men are convinced with the assumption that Islam is a religion that has introduced polygamy by allowing man to marry more than one wife. However, they do not follow the rule of Islam which pertains to the religious side of holy matrimony as well as the financial and the social sides. Islam organizes all aspects of life for its followers and not limited only to religious aspect. Thus, full consent is a major corner of the marriage contract in Islam where a wife has full right to refuse a polygamous marriage.
Claire’s story is not new. Since more than 10 percent of Philippines’ populations are overseas workers, the absence of one parent or both has always created an impact to Filipino children left behind. Some grandparents become surrogate parents for these children.
Still, some are left among themselves, being forced to early responsibility of “parenting” to their younger siblings. It is a usual case that when an overseas worker acquires a new family in the host country or engages in extramarital affairs, the spouse left behind becomes unfaithful. In either case, their children suffer from the family’s collapse. Children become rebellious. They abhor the idea of their parents’ mere irresponsibility- parents who deprived them of their basic right to a home where their biological parents are united in marriage and in a commitment to support them. In turn, they become socially tormented, and may further become social problems themselves.
The breakup of families and the problems associated with marital discord because of immigration should not be left without a response from the same government who encourages Filipinos to work abroad in order to keep the Philippine economy afloat. There should be more advocacy efforts from our government to look after the families left behind by OFW’s. Philippine embassies in host countries should take necessary steps to stop the growing number of illicit affairs among Filipino expatriates. It is enough for Filipinos to be renowned worldwide for skills, talents, and professionalism. We should not let some “kabayans” tarnish our image of Filipinos with good family values and strong family ties.
A family is considered the most basic social entity. How could we expect our society to uphold its dignity if the very basic unit is already disintegrated?
Finally, I’ve decided to send a message to Claire about his husband, Mike.
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2 Responses for "Ties that Unbind: Overseas Filipino Worker’s Family Disintegration"
Sad story..But true, adultery is punishable by law..Still, countless Filipinos involve themselves with the obscenity. Maybe the absence of the one leaves the other unfaithful..
Contraception is the solution – there are just TOO many Filipinos. The country cannot support the population it has. Crime and corruption is rife. Its not safe to walk the streets. There needs to be a strategic change in from the PR government to curtail the population explosion. It will never get better until the growth rate is curtailed and the country can support itself. Thailand does and 20 years ago they suffered similar economic circumstances BUT Thailand and many other SE Asian countries do not suffer from having to send a considerable percentage of their population to work overseas. Ulimately its the Catholic Church that is responsible for this terrible situation that the PR suffers from.
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