You must understand that as a professional writer I am of the greedy, unscrupulous sort. If you wag enough bills in front of my face I will write the vilest, most disgusting piece of offal ever conceived by the mind of a television brainstormer. Most mainstream writers I know retain a modicum of their youth’s artistic principles and so would debase themselves in the worship of Mammon only low enough as to be able to feed themselves and their families but not any lower. I, on the other hand, am known for my mercenary disposition. Now if you think that’s a bluff, let me introduce you to an abomination I sired in my avarice; a wretched thing so loathsome my friends bring it up in parties to embarrass me:

CRUNCHTIME HERE!

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