So I went to work today, and I realized I had left my pen at home. Well, normally, I wouldn’t mind since I have a ginormous penis which I lug around all the time and I use it to write stuff and sign contracts and ransom letters whenever needed, but it was the full moon and I am never without my pen on the full moon. Mainly because without it I turn into a bloodthirsty werehamster and murder countless of innocent babies, which, I swear, taste great with Tabasco.

So I badger my officemate to lend me her pen. I was playfully punching her arm, telling her stuff like “I won’t stop singing 6cyclemind’s Upside Down if you don’t lend me your pen”. Maybe she was still pissed off at me for the time I tried to rape her in the company bathroom, but she was ignoring me as she did her report on the impact of the Pythagoras Theorem on toothpaste sales. And as you know, nobody ignores me. So I give her an extra-hard punch on her arm.

An ear-piercing shriek fills the air and the next thing I know, I see her flying in the air. At 10 mph. She escaped me, yet again. Curses! Giving up asking for her pen in disgust, I decided to rummage through her desk. Good thing I keep that ax handy for situations like these.

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