I spent the weekend in internet-less rural Laguna. You know, those places where we have to hunt wild boars for food and offer burnt sacrifices to Maria Makiling to prevent the dragon from eating the sun, hence delaying the end of the world and giving the tribes more time to engage in orgies and human sacrifices.

Not Laguna

But that’s not the entire point of the article. You see, my grandparents live in that place. But that still is not my point.

You see, my aunt got married two months ago and since me and my aunt have a very small age gap (see what I did there, tita?) she finally got relieved of the pressure of getting married and stuff. And guess who the grandfolks set their eyes on next.

Clue: His name starts with “A” and ends with “de Magnaye”.

So cue clueless Ade, walking into the nipa hut (yes, they live in a nipa hut. I kid not. Well, the nipa hut’s got airconditioning. So whatev.), greeting his grandfolks like he always does. Then his grandpa, sensing a moment of weakness, drops the bomb:

“Say, Ade, when are you getting married?”

You do not ask that to a single 25-year old who has no plans of getting married just yet because 90% of the women he meets treat him as a gay best friend only straight while the remaining 10% treat him as a sexual offender.
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