Mr. Ade Magnaye,

It has come to my attention that in the seven months since you became single, your financial, emotional, sexual, and physical well-being has been in a state of constant decline. Yes, I know, you have the urge to tear this letter apart this very moment, and I don’t blame you. In fact, you have every reason to tear this letter apart and jump from the roof of your garage and land facefirst onto the pavement. Again. Hey, it’s your life and I don’t care if you want to waste it by being depressed like fuck and hiding under a blanket and the 20+ pillows you keep in your bedroom.

But hey, hear me out for once, okay? You fucking need some straightening out. Read the rest of this entry »

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