I mean, who would like to be awakened from the middle of a very sound sleep to some street urchins who do a poor job of impersonating carolers butchering yet another rendition of “We Wish you a Merry Christmas”.

How I’ll get rid of those pesky kids:

• I’d take up target shooting, buy a sniper rifle, and bide my time in the second floor bedroom overlooking the front door.
• I’d buy bear traps and leave a generous amount of them in my front yard.
• Get my ninja suit out of the mothballs, hide in the tree next to my house and fling bananaque sticks to the kids who pass by.
• Rabid. Attack. Dog.
• Lace the candies you give them with poison.
• Lace the coins you give them with napalm.
• GOATSE!
• Read to them, out loud, chapters from K-Fed’s upcoming autobiography.
• Follow them home, wait until they fall asleep, and then torch the damn place.

Continue reading ‘Pesky Christmas Carolers?‘

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