Feeling down and lonely? Got no friends? Fat? Pimply? Ugly? Small boobs?

“My life sucks. I have no social life, my friends hate me, and my sex life is limited to my hand.”

Jimbo is just one of the many losers littering our great country. He is suffering from a sickness called loseroticism, and it is wreaking havoc not just on his life, but on the life of millions of losers around the world.

Dr. Sam Peth, Medical Expert:
“Yes, loseroticism is such a big pandemic right now I wonder why they haven’t quarantined the whole world. In fact, I will show you this vague scientific-type-table-graph-thingie to prove my point.”

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