I just realized that it’s only a few more days till Christmas, and I still haven’t shopped for a thing yet. So now I run the risk of losing a sizable number of friends, and I don’t want to lose any more especially after the last time I failed to give anybody anything for Christmas.

But the thing is, I’m sort of broke right now due to a certain really impulsive purchase I made around last week, and I’m contemplating robbing a bank or holding a head of state hostage so that I can afford to give anybody gifts. But everybody knows I am incapable of committing crime, so I’ll probably give head to random passers-by in a secluded Quiapo alleyway. But let’s just pretend I don’t do that and that I’m actually a dangerous convict who robs banks for the heck of it.

So I ran into the mall panting like crazy. It’s only a few days before Christmas. I’m becoming desperate, and time is running out. I need to get gifts. Fast. Before my friends kill me. As I get into the awesomely crowded department store - I push about twenty people, including a pregnant woman, an iPod-wearing metro fag with a pink t-shirt on, and an elderly lady - out of my way.

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