BEOWULF IN 5 MINUTES
(SORRY)

 
 
 
INT. Heorot, ancient Denmark. Inside a great hall, where people are naked, getting drunk, having hot torrid sex, and acting like total douchebags. Yes, this is a children’s film. Enjoy.
 
 
 

KING HROTHGAR
My dear Danes! Let us all get drunk,
have orgies, get herpes, and pass out!
For I have promised you a great hall of lust,
and here it is! YAY!
 
 
 
QUEEN WEALTHEOW
Also, I’ll just sit here beside the king
watching you all act stupid.
You’ll all die later anyway. Lollerskates.
 
 
 
DRUNK DANES
We’re too piss drunk to hear what you’re saying.
Whatever.
Moar mead yayz!

 
 
 
SCENE: GRENDEL, a horribly disfigured creature, crashes into the hall.
 
 
 

GRENDEL
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
 
 
 
DRUNK DANES
THE GRENDEL!
HELP! ZOMG WE’RE GONNA DIE!
 
 
 
KING HROTHGAR
Can’t speak. Drunk.
Passed out. Snore.

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