I can’t believe that it’s almost December already. Soon enough, I’ll be braving the crowds (and possibly a knife between my ribs) to get gifts for my (alarmingly decreasing number of) friends and family (who apparently read my blog and are one step away from disowning me). The gifts, as always, will consist of these items:

• Socks (in orange, lime green and baby blue)
• Handkerchiefs
• Belly button lint
• Mongo sprouts (I grew them myself)
• This

But even though I work very hard to give people the things that they want for Christmans, I rarely get things that I like for Christmas, since Santa Claus is an asshole and never gave me a single thing ever. So yeah, my Christmases past are EPIC FAIL:
 

Wrong.

 
To make sure that nobody makes the mistake of giving me a used life-sized David Hasselhoff doll again, I shall proceed in enumerating the things I want for Christmas. Take note, people. Read more

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